5 /5 Jrock: Tell your equilibrium it’s about to get cattywampus, it’s brunch time at Calvert’s. Lots of places say bottomless mimosas, here it is like an affront to their personhood if a glass gets empty. Like a Russian gymnast from the eighties full of roids and speed the waitstaff hurtles full blast and will let loose seven backflips and twelve cartwheels before your glass runs dry. In addition every member of the staff is personable with a great sense of humor that creates belonging and beckons one to stay without feeling rushed.
The view and outdoor atmosphere is euphoric and serene. One could almost just have drinks and sun for hours and hours. But that would deny the greatest pleasure within. The gravy is everything. A moreish delight so aggressively seasoned it is almost too much, so one has to devour repeatedly for further inspection and pleasure. The bangers are texturally an exploration of what a sausage can be, toothsome casing and delicate yet sumptuous interior. The mash is on the edge of being too thick, yet somehow playful and flirtatious. It’s a meal that is satisfying providing one mouthgasm after another.
We also had an appetizer of crab Rangoon dip with crispy fried wontons. A pure and utter dish of delight. Just seeing the wontons heading to the table arouses the palate. A perfect fry, a perfect crisp, paired with a rich decadent dip. This dip is so rich and refined it would think Thurston Howell the third a mere peasant.
This isn’t fine dining, it’s not hyper elevated fare, it’s just friggen awesome. Bring cash to avoid credit card fees, and prepare yourself for the cheesiest 80’s music playlist and then live your best life at Calvert’s.
P.S. I totally forgot, sit outside! And get some truffle fries with curry ketchup as munchies, it would be the best thing at a lot of restaurants.